Still in the Middle of Nowhere

Vintage Native Bags

2012-01-08T12:00:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to all!

Of course, this blog is almost DEAD but once again alive with the start of the New Year.

Anyhows, I am currently liking local, native handbags. Probably coz I was liking leather, sturdy-looking bags the past year and now, native bags suddenly look fresh.

I was just browsing through stuff at home when I came across these stashed goods. They are probably my mom's (a bag even had some of her stuff way back when she was still unmarried!) so I have no recollection whatsoever of using them before.

Lovin' these casual looking bags:

This is my favorite from the bunch. Incredibly cute:

A little too native for me and don't know what to wear this with, but still liking it a lot!

Adorable basket bag. Looks great for picnics!

A clutch and some coin purses. I like!

Appropriateness

2011-03-13T01:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, fresh off JAC Liner, I'll go directly to my favorite siomai-an and do an hour of thrifting. Thrift stuff are so expensive these days-- I recently bought a P450 bag and the clothes range from P100 - P200, at least on the stores I frequent. Anywhos, I recently bought a dress despite the expensive price tag because I am madly in love with it.

After trying it on (I haphazardly placed it over my clothes outside of the changing rooms sa ukay), an elderly woman spoke to me out of the blue and said: "Alam mo, bagay sa 'yo yan; mukha kang dalaga" which I appreciated because I know how hard it is to compliment a total stranger. But then afterwards and in a moment of sudden paranoia, I thought geez, I must have looked like an old hag to revert to tight-fitting dresses to be able to look like a dalaga. I mean, c'mon, I just recently ditched some of my mini-skirts because it is not "age-appropriate" - a fact I lamented as I love some of my skirts - and then now maybe the dress that I bought is not age appropriate as well?

Once again this is the paranoid/in denial me talking. I do believe you could wear or do whatever you want despite your age!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I unearthed this calendar from my closet:

Talk about one other thing to throw in at eBay! I remember this autographed calendar from Justin Cuyugan but I do not remember that Bea Alonzo signed it as well. 'Di pa ata sya sikat nun???

Crochet + Crochet

2011-02-19T17:06:00.000+08:00

My first crochet project. Sort of pangit. Mga 4 hours kong ginawa.

The hat that was supposed to be my sister's or my grandma's. Ngayon mapupunta na sa 2-yr old cousin ko sa liit. *sob*

Random pic--

Ngarag look.

Decluttering

2010-12-25T07:43:00.000+08:00

So it is 7:18 AM Dec. 25. Merry Christmas to all. I missed our Noche Buena, if we ever had one. I think I fell asleep at 10 PM in front of the TV having a Heroes Marathon. Woke up at around 4:30 AM and opened my computer.

After a while, I remembered something I had been meaning to search this week. An electronic journal! Yessiree, I just had this idea of buying myself an electronic gadget. Never mind that I just use my laptop once a week, my digicam every three months and my iPod once in a blue moon. Fortunately/unfortunately that sums up my entire electronic life and they are all gathering dust -- ok, except for my trusty cell phone and even that is not being used thoroughly. Nevertheless, I wanted an electronic journal so I was determined to see if such a gadget exists.

The nearest solution to my dilemma: a tablet PC... something I haven't thought about but has been existing for a while.

Let's see if I'll actually buy one. There is a feeling that I don't desperately need one and the truth is, I don't. It is something I could do without and just adds more clutter... maybe it's just the consumer in me that wants a gadget now.

Sources:
Toshiba Portege M780
iPad
Nokia N800

Eeek!

2010-11-29T12:59:00.000+08:00

Luv them all!

Random Thoughts

2010-07-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

Of Spending

There is something seriously wrong when one buys something and then feels guilty afterwards. I am turning into too much of a consumer that I have placed myself on a budget diet. I have never been a shopaholic and I know I am not one now but something's amiss when one begins to have a sinking feeling in her stomach after looking at her purchase for the day and wanting to lie whenever mom asks, "Is that skirt new?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Of Stores

I might have written about my shopping ban but still...

Forever21 is here! The authentic one. In Megamall. Plus Payless is opening up (or opened up?) in Alabang, I think. I don't even know why I wrote that as if I'm excited because I have never fully shopped at F21 so maybe it's just memories kicking in. Payless though I would love to browse through their shoes. Note the wording though, it's just "browse" not "buy".

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Of Blogging

For some reason, I am currently associating blogging with having a much more editorial content as opposed to "old-style" blogging as in personal blogging where you just jot down random stuff about yourself, like an online personal journal.

So most times I am categorizing posts as "blogworthy" or not and eventually decide not to write anything at all. This is due to the fact that I know topics I choose and write about are personal/random stuff which has no relevance whatsoever to other people. When I was younger I actually thought that I'll take a job related to writing -- be it an editor or a contributor or whatever but when I think about it, no, I don't think I'll make a good job at it at all! Somebody once told me that I would make a great instructions manual writer (!); well, maybe I have the patience to do it but I haven't even thought of doing that kind of writing. And as for editorial writing -- forget it. I just suck at that.

Individuality

2010-06-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about individuality/individualism much lately. Maybe it's because recently I have this feeling that I have to conform, go along with certain people or seek their company(?). Filipinos, culturally, are very collective-minded people... we're just raised that way, to be interdependent and to "get along" whether it be with family, friends or officemates; and this is why most people would say that we are so family-oriented whilst on other lands, parents supposedly "kick out" their kids when they're 18! Personally though, while I like this interdependence thing (it gives me a warm sense of belonging), there's something about individuality that appeals to me...

Maybe this has been brought about by the recent Lakers-Boston (?) game. Everybody seems to know who is betting against which team, who wins or not and almost everybody watched the game in the pantry. For a second it gave me a very puzzling feeling that I'm the only one who couldn't care less about basketball and it had me feeling a bit left out. Am I the only one who is not interested in basketball??? I mean, really?

Sometimes I do not know if I should force myself to like something just because everybody likes it; or even to be updated with stuff as to not feel quite so out of place. "Dapat marunong kang makisama," people always say but where do you draw the line? I would have to say though that in my earlier years, I would try really, really hard to be interested but now that I'm older, my mindset is a little bit more rigid and I could think for myself what interests me and what not. I don't have anything against basketball nor the people who watch it (even if they just watch it to feel like they belong), of course not! In the same way that I hope people don't judge me because I like watching showbiz chika from time to time and thinking about it, no, I don't watch it to conform but I watch it out of genuine interest/curiosity as vapid as it might sound.

Of course, all these stuff makes me feel like a teenager. Peer pressure at 28? Surely I should be through that stuff already?!? And to keep in mind that I don't necessarily have to like what other people like, in the same way that other people don't need to like what I like. And really, I shouldn't mind that I may feel out of place from time to time; it just means that people are different and their interests are different and that's okay. I remember writing before how I am bothered with blatant rebelliousness (especially with no causes at all!); well, it still bothers me a little as that's not true individuality (although I do understand where rebels are coming from). True individuality doesn't mean you have to prove anything or break the rules or be different for the sake of being different. No, no, no. Individuality means you stick with what you like - even if it's that dreaded word "mainstream" - and respect other people's likes, too.

In order to have faith in [one's] own path, [one] does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong. -Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light

What Motivates You (A Job Related Post)

2010-05-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

There are times when I do feel kind of puzzled with how people see or approach work. And what motivates them to do the work that they do. Sad to say, people's thoughts and opinions DO rub off on me at times and this is something I am consciously trying not to do. Like for example, some people at work do complain about their salaries a LOT and I just know that if I don't watch it I'll be completely paranoid with my salary as well. I want to clear things out that my current job is not by any means high paying and at times, I think it's a step down from my Makati days but then I don't really want to compare right now!

People always want better opportunities; better salaries; better whatever. I understand that, it's human nature and people always want to "better" themselves and stuff. It's just evolution. Heck, even I want a better future even though I honestly think I'm doing okay right now. What's kind of sad though is that I don't think it will ever be enough. Once you've been promoted, you'll want to be promoted again. Once you could afford something big, you'll want to be able to afford something bigger. It just seems to me like one big endless cycle where satisfaction is an illusion and unattainable.

I am trying not to be money motivated and I don't really think I am, not really. I understand though that people's circumstances are different and motivation varies. Hypocritically though, sometimes I do think that my secret dream (and I'd prefer not to write it down) is higher than what other people wants to attain. *No, di ko pangarap na mapangasawa si Prince William or anything like that.*

Eons of Years Ago...

2010-05-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

... I am highly interested in Psychology/Psychiatry and just what makes you "you"/me "me" or however you'll phrase it (I even thought of having my undergraduate degree on that field but thought there's just no money there at that time). I view thinking as a pastime; a leisurely hobby even and from time to time think if other people are thinking what I am thinking and just generally ask: what the hell are other people thinking?

I digress. What I really wanted to say is that I just took a personality test online because I used to find things like that interesting. Now maybe not so much because I am starting to hate books/magazines/tests/people which/who tell you who you are when in reality you should be the one telling yourself who you are and who you'd like to be. It is very limiting to be placed in a box or a certain category so I am trying hard to not focus on those kind of things nowadays.

Anyways, what's done is done, I took the test and now know that I am an INFJ personality type or so it says.

INFJ keypoints --
- INFJs seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others
- Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others
- INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups
- INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. They are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly
- INFJs are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand

To some extent maybe it tallies with how I view myself. However, how I or others view myself are oftentimes not really so important perhaps(?), oh well, I don't know.

Pictures Galore

2010-05-03T11:49:00.000+08:00

I love pictures taken the old-fashioned way, you know, cameras with films and without memory cards. I love the idea of polaroid cameras-- the point-and-shoot-have-your-picture-developed-in-a-minute kind -- although I don't think I have seen one up close and I think that model has already been scrapped out of the market(?). The pictures below aren't in anyway taken that way, unfortunately, but I'm thinking I should really have some of my favorite pictures developed. There's something very personal and "vintage-y" with having pictures slide at the palm of one's hand instead of just seeing them whenever the computer is turned on.

I don't consider myself a ham nor a camwhore but I do like nature shots:

And of course, from time to time I like playing dress-ups. Syempre, feel na feel ko ang pagiging Igorota.

Just something totally random:

Random

2010-04-25T01:40:00.000+08:00

Happy Graduation sa Bro ko!

Papatayin ako ng kapatid ko pag pinost ko pic nya so pic ko na lang!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sunset!

Random Thoughts

2010-04-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

About a year ago, a friend told me about her aunt. Her aunt is old, perhaps around 70(?) years old, never been married and doesn't have children. One time, when they visited her (which they do not get to do often), her aunt told her that if there is one regret in her life, it would be not having children-- that if only she could turn back time, she would have had one!

Until now, I still think about that snippet from time to time.

Sometimes I think, when I die, is there something that I will regret not doing? Dying is not so much of a sensitive issue for me, we will all die one way or another so I'm not really afraid of it but will I regret not living life to the fullest; whatever "fullest" means?

There are times when somebody would ask me, "so what have you been up to these days?" or "what keeps you busy nowadays?" or whatever activity-related question they might have. While personally, I do not keep regular tabs of whatever I do -- I might have just stayed at home or I might have had a Glee marathon or whatever boring stuff it is that I do -- when somebody asks me questions like that I feel like I *should* have done something exciting. I know the asker(?) doesn't mean it that way but I have trouble answering it anyways. I don't think it would be much of a point of interest to him/her if I say either an action-filled or non-action-filled answer so most times I just say "Nothing much, really" and that will be the end of that.

But back to my question: is there something that I will regret not doing? Even bad stuff like smoking or drinking as a teen (for some reason, one just GOT to have experienced it as a kid?!?) or sleeping with numerous people (c'mon now, we're all adults here...) or later on, being married and having children (syempre, dito papunta yun!)?

And whilst my thoughts are absolutely "ping-ponging" among contradictory ideas which I don't even have the strength and willpower to write, this is what I think: there is no sense even contemplating about this! It's just nuts, all these "I have to do this" and "I have to do that" just to be more "fulfilled"... magiging uptight and depressed lang ako if I keep at it! Besides, if I were meant to marry or migrate to Canada or die at a young age, wouldn't it just happen somehow? In the same way that I were meant to have a graduate degree and to almost be on surgical menopause --sorry too much info-- so they happened? So walang conclusion 'tong post na 'to. I swear, all these thinking hoobaloo(<--is this even a word) is bad for my health.

Flower Crown

2010-02-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

Just borrowed this flower crown for a picture. It's my Grandma's... belated Happy Birthday!

"Thought Provoking"

2010-02-06T06:12:00.000+08:00

So I just got a few Teen Vogue issues that were addressed to me, in my former address and I can't remember when and whether I signed up for them or what.

I suppose they are complimentary issues for 6 months and even though it's always nice to receive free stuff (and I would read them even though I'm not a teen anymore), I can't help but feel a bit perplexed.

Thoughts All Over

2010-01-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get extremely overwhelmed with life. I don't know why that is; if this is inherent or if this is just a phase I am going through. Sometimes I feel like I am looking for something... maybe happiness, love, acceptance or meaning, I am not entirely sure. But sometimes there are things I question about life in general and I am not sure if I will ever get any answers or if there are any answers at all.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Sometimes I see suffering. It doesn't matter whether they are mine or other people's, it's still suffering nonetheless. And I get extremely sad. Some people would scoff at this, when I supposedly haven't had any "real" hardships (and I can't help but frown a little when I am told that I am "pampered"; but then that is another story) but then I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't I have the right to be sad and depressed too?

o-o-o-o-o-o

Sometimes I feel like I know everything yet I know nothing. Sometimes I feel I have depth but then doesn't everyone think this? Sometimes I get very disappointed and disillusioned because how I want things to happen doesn't really happen in real life and I can't help but wipe away bitter tears. And because of this I see the world as cruel and harsh and I have to brush away this thought from my mind or else this becomes my reality. And I do believe that one's thoughts become one's reality.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Happy New Year to all!

Walang Magawa

2009-12-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

Since all I've been doing the whole day is sit and watch episode after episode of The OC, I decided to make my own 2010 desk calendar.

Walang magawa.

MIA

2009-12-12T10:52:00.000+08:00

Arrgh, I am completely MIA in terms of writing stuff down but then maybe I am in a state wherein my thoughts are just tumbling all around and recurring over and over again and there's just no sense writing them all down.

Or maybe not having any readily available internet connection makes me lose the spontaneity of writing things down, hence, just write things down in my journal instead of seeking a net connected computer.

Or whatever.

BUT.

Even though I am in a completely melancholic mood the past few days/weeks/months (what else is new, right?), I feel like things are getting better. And through time I'll resume doing things I like doing --arts & crafts, looking through second-hand bookstores, look through ukay-ukays, hopefully.

I couldn't help thinking though that all of these are just faded memories, if that even makes sense...

Nevertheless... happy December to everyone!

The Superficiality of Them All

2009-09-01T09:40:00.000+08:00

I spent the weekend over at a friend's house in Makati. It is one of those things that when done on a regular basis will surely make you go broke. The standard of living there is so ridiculously high and I don't know why I just realized that when I had worked there before, too. I must have been living in the jungle the past few months/years because I can't help but marvel at the busy stores in Glorietta and the pristine-ness of Greenbelt. Are we really a third-world country or what? C'mon... where are the poverty stricken people amidst all of these? (No, don't answer that. I am pointing out that there were sooo many people shopping, that's all.)

As I was walking I could see so many beautiful things. Pretty, pretty shoes, pretty, pretty clothes, those kind of stuff. And there were so many people to see. Pretty, pretty ladies strutting around in high heels looking like they stepped out of various fashion magazines. And then I can't help but wonder... how come all of these looked incredibly superficial to me??? How come, when I could look at pretty clothes, I am really just happiest looking through books at Powerbooks? How come when I enter one of those shoe/clothes stores, I feel like a pauper amongst princesses because most of them looked so posh while I look so ordinary?

At times like those I can't help but wonder about the meaning of it all. Everything just looked so glamorous but are they important???

... and yet another post containing stuff I had probably written before.

xoxo

PS. Nagpa-massage kami at grabe ha, sumakit lang ang likod ko! Was it supposed to be painful or sobrang stressed/tense lang ang muscles ko???

Yehey

2009-08-03T15:44:00.000+08:00

Sa wakas, natapos ko rin ang Little Son Gokou na sinimulan kong crinoss-stitch ilang taon na ang nakakalipas...

... saan ko kaya isasabit ito??

Job Hunting Blues

2009-07-21T16:37:00.000+08:00

Darn.

Talaga bang mahirap maghanap ng trabaho o ako lang?? I know, dapat patient lang ako sa mga ganitong bagay since dati naman hindi naman isang iglap nagkakatrabaho ako pero I couldn't help but be a bit discouraged. Channeling *The Secret*.

Drive

2009-07-01T17:44:00.000+08:00

So, I am currently typing whilst sort-of-watching Boys Over Flowers (Korean version) on TV. Gah, kelan kaya magkakaron ng Filipino version? Para namang Betty La Fea na ang raming versions.

...

I know, I know dapat nagjjob hunting na ako. I am questioning myself bakit ba parang ang tamad tamad ko samantalang najuggle ko ang pag-aaral at pagtrtrabaho dati? I had all the drive in the world dati tapos ngayon parang nawala lahat. Kinacareer ko ang pagka-bum ngayon and I am not even bored kahit walang ginagawa sa bahay!

Yes, I feel a bit guilty. However, I am also not forcing myself to flip through various newspapers and online job sites as I have noticed that whenever I force myself to do things I am not into, the results are usually unsatisfying. So hinihintay ko na naturally na ma-boost ang drive ko for job hunting.

Haay... nawarp na ata ng "The Secret" ang aking pagiisip. Dapat i-wish ko sa universe na magkadrive na ulit ako.

Mad Skills

2009-06-24T19:51:00.000+08:00

Channeling my inner Shaolin Soccer skills...

Yeah, right!

Random Thoughts

2009-05-22T06:56:00.000+08:00

So I know I really, really should be packing my stuff. Pero tinatamad pa ako so magsusulat na lang muna ako at magppost ng pics.

Me eating my fave food! Eto na ata ang pinakamahal na meal na kinain ko.
And to think hindi pa 'to eat-all-you-can...

Wala lang.

Palm Beach View

Nagpapaka-cute. Backyard 'to ng Lola ko.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

For some reason tinatamad na akong magblog. **shock** I dunno why that is, and to think before I used to post almost every week. So maybe I wouldn't get to update this blog as frequently, especially pag nasa Pilipinas na ako since a part of me feels na naging outlet ko lang 'tong blog na 'to while I am here. Sobra kasing wala akong makausap dito so WWW na lang naging kausap ko. Hah!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Last week my Vietnamese friend told me that I should do something for the Filipino couple who had been so nice to me during my stay here. He had been so imperative about it ("I really feel like you should leave a good impression to them and do something nice for them as they had been so good to you", he said) that I felt incredibly ashamed. While I know that I should not forget other people's good doings, especially if it's directed to me, I can't help but feel a little bit apprehensive. Of all the things that makes me feel uncomfortable, it is the feeling of "indebtedness". And the way he phrased it, I felt ashamed and guilty, that all this time I might not have shown my gratitude nor have been thankful enough.

Speaking of "indebtedness", just recently, a relative told me, "Iha, never, ever forget what your parents and grandparents have done for you." Ahh, filial piety, something that I have almost forgotten being so far away from home. I do think this is more of an eastern trait, the "my-parents-raised-me-so-I-should-repay-them-back-for-all-the-good-things-they-have-done-to-me" upbringing. And while I might be one of the very first person to say "I will take care of my parents 'til they grow old!", this kind of mindset and upbringing is just... wrong at times.

Sometimes I wonder why people have children. Some, of course, are "unplanned" but of those planned, why did they choose to have children? Is it simply because of the joys associated with parenthood? Or is it because of a selfish reason -- that is, "I-want-a-child-so-that somebody-could-take-care-of-me-when-I-am-old"? Or maybe both?

I don't know if I'll ever have children. I'm not saying that I hate them because I don't. In fact, I see them as wonderful beings and their innocence and energy are such a joy to watch. But I do know that if I were to have children (God willing He'll give me a chance to have them), I want to have them for the right reasons. WAIT, let me back up a bit; first I'll have children if I have the money to raise them. At this point in my life, I could barely survive on my own, much less raise a kid who DOES cost money. 'Wag kang magkaanak kung hindi mo afford noh! Ano bah.

Anyhoos, as I was saying, I want to have children for the right reasons like (a) because I feel like I could give children the love and support that they need to enable them to become good citizens, and (b) because I feel like I could give them a good future. Not because of selfish reasons, like (a) I don't want to be alone or (b) I want a big family (this has got to be the vaguest reason to have children and lacks complete foresight).

I know, nawala na sa direksyon ang aking post. :P And all of these started because of "indebtedness". Sorry, I have to end this post in such a haphazard way.

Picachurs

2009-05-11T04:16:00.000+08:00

I decided to take some pictures of my apartment complex.

I live on the second floor. The door on the right.

This is the view from my veranda(?)

View habang naglalakad ako

Pinicture-an ko na din ang laundry room

Loob ng laundry room

Ang mga mailboxes

Merong maliit na stream along the apartment border

Salamat at merong manong na pwedeng kumuha ng picture ko.

Girl Jealousy

2009-04-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

I just came across a great article for women. It's about loving one's self and trying not to be jealous of other girls.

http://galadarling.com/article/jealousy-is-the-killer-of-girl-love

I am not going to deny that as I was growing up there had been instances wherein I got jealous of other girls. It seemed like there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, more well liked and generally nicer than me. But as I get older, I also realized that I had become more accepting of myself. Of course, from time to time I will meet someone who is just so nice and pretty but instead of finding a flaw on that person, I became more appreciative of them.

I swear to God, I really am getting old.

My Newest Book

2009-04-15T05:12:00.001+08:00

Mabilisang blog entry:

Nareceive ko na yung latest book na binili ko:

Arrrgh! Nahawakan ni Christopher Pike 'to even for just a couple of seconds!!! *kisses book repeatedly*

Yun nga lang, since second hand book 'to, merong nakasulat na name dun sa "This book belongs to". Solution: buy wipe-out/liquid paper and fill in the blank.

Trivia: Ka-birthday ko pala si Christopher Pike -- accdg to Wikipedia.

Buhay May-asawa bow

2009-04-04T01:34:00.001+08:00

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ito ang naisipan kong isulat ngayon (pag-aasawa). Obviously, hindi ako guru sa ganitong mga bagay at wala akong kaalam-alam sa relationships in general. Pero meron akong sasabihin sa inyo: nuong bata ako, ang ideal age ko para mag-asawa ay 26. Well, guess what? 27 na ako ngayon at WALA man lang kaprospect-prospect na groom—ano baw, boyfriend nga walang prospect eh. Nevertheless, nung nagbirthday ako last November, ang kauna-unahan kong naisip ay, “Syet! Dapat me asawa na ako ngayon!!!” Kumbaga, yung mga bagay na hindi ko naisip dati ay biglang pumasok sa isip ko (e.g. “Hindi na ata dadating si Prince Charming ko”, “I’ll live alone forever”, “Napag-iwanan na ako”, etc.) at feeling ko ang tanda-tanda ko na, na dapat buhay pamilya na ang iniisip ko instead na career o pag-aaral o kung ano man.

Fast forward to ngayon, 5 months after I turned 27. Natatawa na lang ako sa mga naisip ko dati. Bigla kong naisip na, ngaks, bakit ko ba prproblemahin yang asa-asawa ngayon? Narealize ko na ang bata ko pa pala – ang raming nagsasabi sa akin na sobrang swerte ko at marami pa akong natitirang oras at panahon para dyan. Tama daw ang ginagawa ko—mag-aral muna bago buhay pamilya ang isipin. Totoo naman kasi; ang pag-aasawa ay hindi biro. Lifetime commitment ‘to; hindi pwedeng ayawan 5/10/15 years along the road. Minsan iniimagine ko… paano kaya kung nabuntis ako right after I graduated college tapos napilitan pakasal? Ahay! Disaster. Getting married at 22 is waaay too young IMHO. Parang hindi mo na-enjoy ang buhay single, hindi mo naenjoy na sa ‘yo lang ang pera mo, magtravel-travel freely, etc. Napasubo agad sa responsibility na most likely hindi ka pa handa…

Minsan nga lang iniisip ko, o sya, oks lang na single ako ngayon. Pero meron pa kayang natitirang matinong lalaki para sa akin? Lahat ata taken na or gay--wag naman sana! Tapos iisipin ko, paano pag 35 years old na ako at wala pa akong asawa? Hindi ba lonely ang feeling? Hindi ba depressing? Hindi ba nagt-tick-tock na talaga ang biological clock? At 35, talaga kayang napagiwanan na ako ng panahon? (Alam ko ang sagot dito ay of course not! Pana-panahon lang yan at ibibigay yan ni Lord kung talagang me nakatakda so no reason stressing about it, di ba?)

Pampalubag-loob sa akin: pwede akong mag-asawa at magchange ng status anytime; pero yung mga me asawa na kasing edad ko ay hindi na pwedeng bumalik sa status na kinalalagyan ko ngayon. Well, not easily anyway.

~o~o~ Ayan, meron tuloy akong naisip na solusyon sa problema ko… by the time I’m 45 at hindi pa kasal, magssign up na ako sa myasianrose.com (tama ba ‘tong site na ‘to?) Basta, yung dating website na pinupuntahan ng mga foreigners para maghanap ng Asian gfs/potential wives. Or meron bang dating websites sa Pilipinas? OR, pwede din na maging mail-order bride na lang ako. I know, not a good idea. ~o~o~

Happiness Indices

2009-04-01T00:15:00.000+08:00

Minsan pag medyo nabbore ako sa work, magssurf ako at kung saan saang lupalop ng internet napapadpad. Ewan ko kung minomonitor ng MIS department namin ang internet usage ng mga pips pero sana hindi. Nakakahiya, kasali pa naman ako sa MIS. :P Minsan pumunta ako sa bryanboy.com tapos nablock ng firewall namin, pornographic site daw yun. What the...? Baka mamaya meron akong mareceive na memo warning me na wag pumunta sa pornographic sites.
Anywayz, for some reason, napadpad ako sa site ng wikipedia about happiness. And I found two happiness indices/indexes:

Satisfaction with Life Index

Green = Happiest > Blue > Purple > Orange > Red = Least Happy; Grey = Data not available

Rank of the Philippines = 78th happiest country out of 178 in terms of satisfaction with life.

Happy Planet Index

Bright green = highest rank; Brown = lowest rank

Rank of the Philippines = 17th "happiest" country out of 178 in terms of well-being and environmental impact. Sorry, hindi ko masyadong maexplain 'tong Happy Planet index. It has something to do with ecological sustainability as how I understood it.

My verdict: Mukhang pinakamaganda ang buhay sa Costa Rica since it ranks 13th on the Satisfaction with Life Index and 3rd on Happy Planet Index.

Sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisfaction_with_Life_Index

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Planet_Index

Ramblings

2009-03-10T03:00:00.000+08:00

Minsan iniisip ko, syet, ang boring naman ng buhay ko ngayon, ni wala akong kahit anumang interesting thoughts na pwedeng maiblog. Walang drama, tahimik lahat, nasa lugar lahat... pwede bang medyo magkadrama ulit? Ang nakakamangha, nun namang mga panahon na nagdrdrama ako, winiwish ko na sana tahimik at nasa lugar lahat. Ika nga, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Ahayz!

Ramblings na lang muna para up-to-date ang blog ko. Minsan ang ayoko sa pagblblog ay nagguilty ako pag hindi ito updated:

Ang taba ko. Ngayon alam ko na tumataba talaga ako kasi kahit yung cashier sa Chinese place na pinagt-take-out-an ko ay napansin ito. Akala ko imahinasyon ko lang eh! Papunta na ulit ako sa "fat days" ko. Alam ko papatayin ako ng mga obese na mga tao kasi ano ba yan, kahit papano within normal weight pa naman ata ako. Obviously, dapat mas mag-exercise ako (what’s the purpose of having belly-dancing/dance boogie dvds kung hindi gagamitin di ba?). The good thing is, I kind of like the fact that I am a bit, err, rounder. Mas mukha akong healthy at chubby cheeks pag nagsmsmile. Har!

Midterms na naman! Yes, yes, exam time ulit. Buti na lang interesting yung subject. Merong part about cultural differences which I find extremely interesting. Kasi nakaka-relate ako! Some of them, I already know beforehand. Pero iba pa rin pag nakikita at nararanasan mo ng personal. Halimbawa:

-> Sa Pilipinas mas malaki ang power distance within companies… in other words, merong hierarchy bago mo maabot ang taas. Pero dito, mas me equality e.g. kung me complaints ako, pwedeng dumeretso ako sa CEO instead of going through my direct supervisor.

-> People here tend to be more individualistic whilst Filipinos are more collectivistic. Kaya panay ang paghahanap ko sa makakasamang Pinoy. Kung galing ako sa individualistic culture, oks lang na magsolo ako dito at hindi ako maghahanap ng “ka-uri”. Pero hindi eh, although through time nakakapag-adapt na din ako. At yep, ito ang dahilan kung bakit expected na umalis ng bahay ang mga anak by the time they turn 18. They actually frown on people still living with their parents above this age. Aray… ako ata yun pag-uwi ko.

-> Straightforward at explicit ang mga tao dito. Sa Pinas, dapat careful sa pagsasalita para walang mapahiya. Masyado tayong ma-sugarcoat!

-> Short-term ang orientation ng mga tao dito while long-term ang mga Pilipino… hmmm, kaya siguro ang raming naghihiwalay dito! Hindi ko sinasabing walang naghihiwalay sa Pilipinas, meron din naman syempre. Pero I learned sa isang study na Asian-Caucasian marriages have less chances of ending up in divorce than Caucasian-Caucasian marriage. It’s all in the mindset… we believe in long marriages is all.

-> In relation to the point above, walang problema na makipagkaibigan ang mga Amerikano in a short time. Ang mga Pilipino, nagt-take ng time ang pagkakaibigan pero mas “deeper” at “long-lasting” sya. I believe this is true!!!

Edit: So I read na mas short-term oriented pala ang Pinas kesa US... hmmm, mali ang analogy ko. Nakow, bagsak sa exam...

Random Thoughts Again

2009-02-21T06:20:00.000+08:00

Finally, after much prompting from my co-worker on how much I need to upgrade my laptop's RAM memory because it just runs too darn slow, I finally did. Mind you, I was almost forced into it because he found this amazing website wherein the RAM chips are 50% off so I had no choice. Then he told me to clean up the software(s) in my computer because most of them are just junk. While I see the logic of it, geez, it was hard uninstalling my beloved Nokia PC Suite (which I haven't used in a couple of years!)-- the very first software I had installed in my laptop waaay before I even installed MS Office. *sob*

Wala lang. Tinetest ko lang kung talaga bang me difference ang pag-upgrade ng RAM... multi-tasking galore, here I come!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I am currently reading Tuesdays with Morrie and there's a snippet that I really liked:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
-- Morrie Schwartz

I have had lots of thoughts about stuff like this ever since I graduated from college. What is my purpose in life? When you think about it, life is really pretty much monotonous. One goes to school, graduates, works, marries (maybe), have children (maybe), dies. Of course, you could throw in the usual drama and elation in life but that's it; everything is quite flat really. I don't know... what makes life special??? Love, is that it? Isn't it that they say that love makes the world go round? But how come love is fleeting in most cases??? Baket ganun?????

Arrrgh. Makapunta na nga lang sa Africa at ituloy ang pangarap ko na maging volunteer! Kung di ko pa naman malaman ang purpose ng buhay ko through that ewan ko na ha...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Speaking of love...

In any case that any of you are wondering what's happening between me and my sort-of-crush (kunyari merong me interesado sa love life ko but oh well) I am unhappy/happy to say that everything kind of fell through. It just got to the point where he is puzzled what it is between him and me... and to that I don't have the answer yet. I dunno... for me being in a relationship is serious stuff and I want to be sure, perhaps. And I guess I'm not used yet to having him in my life to the point that I'm not ready to commit yet. The good part about this is: we are good friends, we always have been and right now, whenever we talk, there is no tension whatsoever. He'll always be special to me and in lots of ways I think I do love him even if just in a friendly manner. Sometimes I pray (with matching tears), "please, please God... when I am not here anymore please find him a wonderful girl who will always be here for him and make him extremely happy." Ahh, for him I want the best in life since he's an incredibly special, great guy who'll always have a place in my heart.

Awww.

Random Thoughts

2009-02-16T04:44:00.000+08:00

I like to think that I am not incredibly narcissistic nor vain but as I was browsing through the files in my computer, I saw some outfit shots from months ago... which probably testifies that I had, in one time in my life, been vain and narcissistic.

Ha! I remember my "filler" posts from my old blog. I'm amused how long ago these pictures are. It was a phase I went through, when I mixed and matched every clothes in my closet, when I was obsessed with outfits instead of just one aspect of an outfit, when I went to style blogs after style blogs to find outfit inspirations.

Now, although I still like clothes, I'm pretty much back to my basic jeans-shirt combination. But I do have one obsession right now: flowery hair stuff!

Looking back, I couldn't believe how much I grew to love clothes. It was on my mind 24-7, I would create an outfit and think "oh, I'll wear this on Monday!" and then I'll create another outfit and think "oh, I'll wear this on Tuesday!" and so on. I find that aspect in me a little bit materialistic and although I do think creating an outfit is an art to be perfected (though style is personal and therefore couldn't really be "perfected"), it makes me a bit sad that I had nothing else better to do with my free time that I had to resort to outfit creation to fill a void in my life.

*thinking* Okay, I know what I had written did not really made any sense but moving on...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The happiest people are those who think the most interesting thoughts. Those who decide to use leisure as means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world. And they are not only happy in themselves, they are the cause of happiness in others.

-- William Lyon Phelps

I believe I am a very happy girl most of the time. I am incredibly fortunate that God had given me the life that I have; my family is incredibly close, my parents incredibly supportive and I only have a handful of friends but they are friends I treasure. For some reason, I have almost zero lovelife but I have never felt unloved nor unwanted and I never felt that I have to resort to any kind of vices to fill up a hole in my life. I could stare at the stars for hours and not get bored, be excited and bubbly whenever there is a change in weather, look at rippling water and smile; and skip, skip, skip throughout the day and feel silly but happy. In lots of ways, I feel like I had been protected from the harsh realities of life, that the child in me is still there and I could still look at the world in amazement and wonder.

A part of me wishes that I'll leave earth now while I see it as beautiful; when I am young, vibrant and worry-free. It is an irrational fear to be afraid of the future but I am afraid of what the future holds for me.

Sige na nga, tama na, nagdrdrama na naman ako!!! :P

To go Back or not to go Back?

2009-01-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

Numerous people had asked me, "Are you planning on staying here in the US after graduating?". It had been asked so much that I became tired of answering it. I always say, "It's okay if I stay, it's okay if I go back home." That's the most direct answer, no fuss and it's true.

Of course, the real answer is much more complicated than that. Many people will probably say, "Liar! You don't want to go back home at all! Why would you want to go back and join the rat race again in the Philippines?" Ahhh, that kind of thinking always makes me incredibly anxious. True, I'm afraid to go back home because I'm afraid of what I will see. It will be reverse culture shock for me. I will probably complain at first why everything is so dirty. Why people don't have any discipline. Why the government doesn't do anything to better the country. Why employment isn't abundant. Etc, etc. Aside from all those, I'm incredibly afraid that I won't get a good job back home. But then, isn't that what most people are afraid of?

But, ahhh, what people perceived back home to be the life here in the United States isn't necessarily true. Sure, there are fortunate people that live great lives here and most people wouldn't want to go back home. But it's just... *sigh*... my situation is different.

First and foremost, I just couldn't stay here. I have visa restrictions. Believe me, I've thought about this a lot-- too much in my opinion. The most ideal case for me is to get a working visa. But let's face it, getting that much-coveted visa is incredibly slim. You'd have to be extremely lucky to (a) find a sponsoring company and (b) get picked in the visa lottery. Working visas have a quota, a tight deadline and hey, you're competing with the entire world here! I could study AGAIN of course, but that's not even an option for me now. I could go to an entire length here to write about working visas but I'm just too tired.

Second and the most major factor on why I want to go back home: emotional isolation. It's easy for other people to stay here because they have family here. They are with a large group of Filipino community. Most people would say, "But you don't have to be with your own countrymen to enjoy your stay here." To this I want to scream back, "YOU try!!!" It would seem easy for one to say, but when you're in that situation, it's a bit different. But then, maybe it just so happens that there are hardly anybody my age in the company I'm working for. It's kind of hard to find friends when you're the youngest in the crowd and everybody has their own family. After a while you'll crave the company of people who are similar to you, and unfortunately, that would most likely be your countrymen. I would have to say that I am extremely lucky that I am a loner, that I could amuse myself to great lengths, that's why I am able to keep my sanity while I am here. But years of staying here like this, during holidays I am alone, having no one to rely on? What a sad life that is going to be... unless I get a husband or whatever.

People think, wow, if I'm in the United States, I could practically buy anything I want, I could get a laptop within a single paycheck, I could buy a car within a year, a house within xx years, go to vacation every year etc. etc. Hah! What are material things really, when in the end you are not happy? Plus, good luck with your finances dears. Don't you know that a lot of people here are in debt? Re. going to vacation every year, it could be exciting. I liked the fact that during my stay here I was able to visit family and friends in other states. But let's face it, that's just once in a blue moon. In a year, that's just 5 days. I am bored the other 360 days. Plus, traveling after a while could be boring. Places look alike after a while. If you visit another state most likely you'll just be visiting malls which, wait!, you could do back home.

Sorry, I went overboard with this post. But right now I'm just tired. I don't want people giving me grief about going back home. If I go home and decided that it's just not for me, then I'll plan again on how to get back out. I am lucky with the field I'm in. Fortunately, IT people are in demand.

We'll see, we'll see.

Realization

2009-01-29T09:35:00.000+08:00

It's kind of weird to realize that:

I am too comfortable to be single!

Crap! So this is the on-off stuff that my sort-of-crush was telling me about. Para akong lightbulb-- minsan gusto, minsan ayaw. It must have drove him nuts! Kaya nacconfuse din ako sa sarili ko minsan. I like him a lot pero hesitant akong magcommit. I like talking to him on the phone pero not to the extent na tatawagan ko sya gabi-gabi and most likely not more than 15 minutes per phone call (unless interesting ang conversation). I became too comfortable in my own skin that just thinking of us as a couple makes me a bit nauseous.

Applicable sa akin ang excerpt from the Little Prince:

"...If you want a friend, tame me . . ." said the fox.

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . . it would have been better to come back at the same hour. If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you."

Para akong fox, dapat i-tame! Dapat hindi binibigla. No wonder I felt choked nung nagbigay sya ng hint na gusto nya akong makausap more often. I felt confused kasi gusto ko sya pero parang ayoko din syang makausap. Waaah! Walang mangyayari sa akin dito. *sniff*

City Tour

2009-01-25T08:13:00.000+08:00

So I finally signed up for the City Tour that our school offers at the start of every semester. I dunno about you guys but I'm the type of person who is not even remotely interested in partaking in any activity if I don't know anybody close who is partaking in the same activity. It's just nuts, I know, but that's just who I am.

Anywayz, since it's my last semester, I'm like, what the heck, I'll just go since I don't have anything to do this Saturday anyway.

So I went. And had fun. :)

A police officer shooed me away from this place since it's supposed to be off limits
(I didn't notice the Keep Off sign). Oops!

A guy from school insisted that I hold a sea urchin. I was so scared I couldn't even move.

It was a nice crowd and it was a nice day. I didn't even had any trouble asking random strangers to take my picture(s). I am sooo glad I went!

The Proper Etiquette

2009-01-13T01:09:00.000+08:00

I think I am actually dating my sort-of-crush. We are not a couple (just thinking about that gives me goosebumps!) but we have been on several dates and we even plan on going to a theme park next week which I am really quite excited about. Just a note, he has not tried anything funny with me, thank goodness! He has not even tried to hold my hand which for an American, truth be told, I assume is quite rare. Poor boy, he is probably afraid he’ll make the wrong move with me and is being overly cautious.

Anyhoos, throughout all of our dates, he has always told me, “It’s on me” meaning he’ll pay for it. Of course, the first time, I’ll accept it as it seems to be “customary” for boys to pick the tab during dates. But then, when you’ve been in more than a couple of dates already, should a lady offer to pay? Yesterday I told him “You don’t always have to pay” and he just said, “No, it’s okay!” I certainly hope this is not an ego thing.

So the next time we eat out I’ll insist on paying. It is the 21st century after all and I’d like to think that I am no wilting flower who needs some guy to pay for her all the time.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-06T09:14:00.000+08:00

I spent the New Year at my aunt's in Mississippi hence the late "Happy New Year" post. I have finally seen my newest cousin and she's such a cutie pie. Half-caucasian, half-asian kaya pwedeng isali sa Star Circle Quest in a few years. What was neat is that another aunt was also visiting and the three of us got to go to New Orleans. It pays to have a couple of aunts who are "gala". I've been to New Orleans (almost) a couple of decades ago but it was fun to go there as an adult.

Me eating a beignet (french donut)

Darn it! I just got to post a pic of my cousin kahit walang paalam.

My New Year's resolution: Wala. Never ko namang natutupad ang ganyang mga bagay eh.

Happy New Year everyone!

Random Thoughts

2008-12-28T06:34:00.001+08:00

This morning I was thinking, "When I get home, the first thing I'll buy is a sewing machine" and proceeded on imagining draping cloths, appliques, buying patterns, arts and crafts magazines, etc etc.

And what do you know, the first thing I saw when I went thrifting this afternoon is:

A portable sewing machine for just 10 bucks! Something I could actually carry home!!! I was so incredibly happy I clutched it to my chest the entire time I was in the store. Mas mura pa sya kesa Christmas gift ko sa sarili ko (it's just about time I buy this!!):

Boo!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T22:48:00.000+08:00

This Christmas, wala munang emote emote! Wala ako sa mood na magmukmok kahit magisa lang ako at hindi ako magN-Noche Buena. In fairness, bukas me kasama akong manood ng sine. Si my sort-of-crush. Oh di ba, sya ang kasama ko sa mismong Christmas day. Bwah! Naawa ata sa akin at nagssolo ako.

Just want to share a couple of pics. I actually saw... snow!!!

Me trying to build a snowman... and not succeeding.

So I just threw it around like confetti.

Hindi 'to sa Florida. I visited a friend in Chicago where it is freezing cold. The temperature actually dropped below zero and the wind slashed my cheeks it hurt! And snowflakes are really hexagonal in shape, it's so amazing! I read somewhere that each snowflake has a unique hexagon shape and it's like a thumbprint... no snowflake are exactly alike! Okay, naging scientific naman ata masyado ang commentary ko.

Merry Christmas everyone! Magshshopping na lang siguro ako ngayong hapon after ko maglaundry.

Tanong sa Ina

2008-12-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ang aking latest email sa Mom ko...

Dear Ma,

Just wondering, natatakot ba kayo na magiging matandang
dalaga ako?
Luvlots,
Mao

Hahaha! I'm sure humagakhak ang buong pamilya.

???

2008-12-11T10:46:00.000+08:00

Last week, my sort-of-crush commented something like "How could a pretty girl like you, going to school, all alone in your apartment, have no boyfriend?? You must have one which you are just not telling me about."

WTF?!?!? *pause*

Thinking about it , it must have been quite a shock to him knowing I have never been in a relationship which I have admitted to him months ago. To answer his question, I blurted out the first thought that came to mind then--

Me: I told you, we are having cultural differences! Ever since I was a child I told myself if I'll have a boyfriend, he'll only be one (in number). He'll be the first and the last. I know it's too idealistic but it's still what I believe in.
*Yadda*Yadda*Yadda*

Looking back at it... what a bunch of crap I just blurted out! I mean, of course I still think that. But is being too idealistic really the reason why I haven't had a boyfriend? Boo, of course not! The most obvious answer is that nobody has been really, really interested in me, that's all. People who do catwhistles do not count!! I'm just NOT girlfriend material. I mean c'mon, it would take a lot of patience for somebody to actually wait for me to come out of my shell. And when I think about it, I'm not really actively looking for one although I'm a bit pressured because of the age thing and because of other people's expectations. I'm also too serious in outlook to be a proper girlfriend. Wife-material, maybe (HAH!). But girlfriend-material? I believe not.

I always muse how easy it is for people to get bfs/gfs here. Case in point: my host mom who got a boyfriend three(?) months after splitting up with her ex-husband and she's like 50-something (mas active pa luvlyf nya kesa akin!!!!!!). The way I see it, it's supposedly not that easy! It could take a long time to build the bf-gf rapport even for those people who click instantly. Building a relationship could take months! Also, let's lay out something, shall we?:

-If somebody likes you, do you like him/her in return? Not necessarily.
-If you like someone, does he/she like you? Not necessarily.
-If you are attracted to each other, are you compatible? Not necessarily.

Conclusion: Nothing. Maybe I just suck at finding love and I'm doomed to be alone forever. Huhuhu. Oks na lang din maging single forever. Na-disilusyon na ako dito... love is an illusion; lahat naman naghihiwalay eh, sipain na lang natin papalabas ang pag-ibig. Seryoso ako! Go tayong lahat sa pagiging single.

EDIT: Oops, sorry guys. Hindi ko narealize na me bitter undertone pala 'tong post na 'to. I was actually quite jovial when I wrote this down. I am amused is all. :)

Post-Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

We have a four-day weekend, a rare occurrence :D. It was Thanksgiving yesterday but for once, I am prepared to sit this one out due to schoolwork. I am definitely procrastinating these days, something that is a little unlike me. Somehow my concentration is shot these days, and my mind is on stuff that I shouldn't even be thinking as of now and as a result, my school-related drive is not as high as it once had been. I am definitely not acting myself to tell you the truth. So this weekend, I'll focus all my energy into schoolwork (homework and papers) and hopefully, my grades wouldn't suffer because of lack of concentration.

So this morning, I planned on just availing my complimentary pizza and soda from Domino's, something that the apartment complex had given me when I moved in a month ago. Unfortunately, it was too early for them to deliver and asked me to call a little bit later. Since I was hungry, I just decided to cook myself sausages... being alone I am happily forced to cook for myself though not to the caliber of making sinigang and pastel. :P

And so... I was happily cooking when my smoke alarm went out! What the...! Eh hindi pa naman sobrang mausok noh!!! I was lost on what to do... baka mamaya meron nang mga firemen na kumatok sa apartment ko! I could just imagine them barging in and asking me what is happening and I'll say meekly "I am just cooking sausages..." Bwah!

So I just kind of stood there like a moron for a bit, turned off my stove and brought my poor sausages under the faucet. A minute or two later, my smoke detector went quiet and thankfully, no one came knocking on my door whatsoever. Whew. It gave me quiet a scare!

So... Domino's pizza, I guess I'll just call you a little bit later for my pizza. I am still hungry.

Nahuhulog

2008-11-20T02:11:00.000+08:00

Silly me posting about this but I can't help it...

Syet, nahuhulog ang loob ko sa kanya. So this is it-- the so-called "emotional attachment". Nakakatakot. One day you feel fine, you go through the day all right; the next day you realize in a second, IT is happening and you get goosebumps. They are right, you just know.

It is alarming... emotions are so hard to control even for a frigid, robotic, mind-over-heart girl like me.

I saw him today and almost told him. Him, who taught me how to be straightforward. Him, who don't like "crazy" girls who become too attached. And now I am one of them...

What Society Dictates

2008-11-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

A few years ago a friend asked me, or rather told me, "Why am I ugly?" She said it with such seriousness that I was rather taken aback by the blatant insecurity the phrase contains. And while I know all of us have insecurities about little physical aspects about us-- I, for one, hate my unmanageable hair, imperfect teeth, fluctuating weight and a few other physical aspects-- in the end they are just that; non-serious little things. With the way my friend said what she just said, looking back at it now, to her it's a not just non-serious little things but bundle-wise, a really big deal.

I don't know why I just thought about this just now. But really, what is this ugliness??

Sometimes I hear people say, "Oh, she/he's ugly...". This phrase always makes me pause especially if it comes from somebody I know. Not only does it sound just flat out mean but it always leaves me puzzled and mystified. If somebody ask me now, "give me a list of ugly people you know", I couldn't think of one off the top of my head. What is beautiful anyway? In a Philippine-context kind of way I know beautiful would be applied to somebody with fair skin, ski-jump nose and probably pin-straight black hair. To other parts of the world it most likely will be different-- isn't it that they say that even the "ugliest" Filipinas are sooo beautiful to foreigners?

I know a lot of people are insecure about the way one looks but I wonder sometimes how big an effect of this to one’s ego. Physical attributes, ahh, they are only skin-deep. Wouldn't it be sadder if one is insecure with innate, intrinsic characteristics as these are things one might not be able to change??

A Lazy Sunday

2008-11-10T02:50:00.000+08:00

As I write this I am in the family-friendly Burger King :P. I really love where I'm staying at right now. Just a few minutes earlier I went to church and it is sooo refreshing to think that from now on I'll be able to go to church regularly as it is just a five-minute walk away from my apartment. Burger King is also just a five-minute walk and isn't it so wonderful? If ever I have the sudden desire for a Mushroom and Swiss Steakhouse Burger at, like, 10 PM I could just grab a long coat and hide my nightgown underneath and saunter over to BK (or Outback or Dunkin Donuts as they are all just nearby!!).

I mean really, I've never felt so independent in my entire life. *smiles*. I'm seeing everything in a new light and while solitary life used to scare me to death, now I think I am getting used to it. Of course from time to time I still think, "Boo hoo, I ain't got no family and no close friends, WTF am I doing here?? What kind of life is this??" but right now there is a sense of happiness, bubbliness and peace within myself that I wouldn't even be able to come close to describing.

Picachurs -->

Yes, from what I heard ducks do cross from time to time. This pic was taken in front of our leasing office.

Sort of walang kwentang pic. Eto ang door ng apartment ko. I live on the second floor coz somebody told me it's safer for a girl to live there. Saka para di ko marinig na may nagjjumping jacks sa ulo ko...

!!Happy November 9th and happy birthday to my little bro. Debut nya ngayon!!

EDIT: So an older Filipino couple (almost my parents' age) just dropped by to give me some pancit with matching calamansi. I have known them for quite some time and I noticed that they called me "ang ating dalaga" (translation: our maiden/our young girl). I don't know why but it warmed my heart because it is such a personal choice of words/ gesture and kind of reminded me of my parents. Ahh, I am getting too sentimental!

Still Alive!

2008-11-06T06:35:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes I am!

And still in a weird, haphazard, reminiscing mood.

I moved in to my new apartment-- my home for the next seven months. Yup yup, solo ko this time. And should I say, it's not as lonely as I thought? And it's actually quite... *gulp*... nice? I swear to God, time has mellowed me down (not that I was ever a wild child!). There's sanctuary in being alone and right now I have no complaints... basta me Internet.

Thank God for DSL.

Anywayz, to start off, I am in an official thrifting mood again. Maybe it's the weather... it is so niiice outside. I was actually skipping as I go to my mailbox to check my mail. As if me mail ako e kakamove-in ko lang.

Back to the story. So I went to a thrift shop last weekend, a good 10 minutes walk from where I live, hoping to find some home necessity stuff. Abaw, hindi lang damit ang thrinithrift shop ko ngayon, pati home stuff na! And lo and behold, eto ang nabili ko:

A Guess Bag. Huhu, the same old stuff pa rin ang nabibili ko. Just to let you know, I am in absolute thrift heaven here because stuff like this is sooo common. I just couldn't resist buying a basic black bag because I just threw away my old one.

But yesterday, I went to another thrift shop and got excited over this:

Let's unfold it shall we?

Hah! This made my day. My first ever ironing board! Akala ko sa kama ko na ako lagi magpl-plantsa eh... :P

Maybe I'll post pics of my apartment next time. This will be a series of picture chronicles as right now I want to capture everything I see seeing how I will be going home in less than a year. Right now balik muna sa regular channel aka article critique.

Still in the Middle of Nowhere

Vintage Native Bags

Appropriateness

Crochet + Crochet

Decluttering

Eeek!

Random Thoughts

Individuality

What Motivates You (A Job Related Post)

Eons of Years Ago...

Pictures Galore

Random

Random Thoughts

Flower Crown

"Thought Provoking"

Thoughts All Over

Walang Magawa

MIA

The Superficiality of Them All

Yehey

Job Hunting Blues

*Drive*

Mad Skills

Random Thoughts

Picachurs

Girl Jealousy

My Newest Book

Buhay May-asawa *bow*

Happiness Indices

Ramblings

Random Thoughts Again

Random Thoughts

To go Back or not to go Back?

Realization

City Tour

The Proper Etiquette

Happy New Year!

Random Thoughts

Merry Christmas!

Tanong sa Ina

???

Post-Thanksgiving

Nahuhulog

What Society Dictates

A Lazy Sunday

Still Alive!

Drive

Buhay May-asawa bow